“He loved too much”
This is Adrian’s mother writing to you with some unfortunate news. Adrian is gone. Please let me explain: As you know, Adrian recently left for a trip to Haiti. It was with a nice black girl who I suspected as his girlfriend–a fact he repeatedly denied. Either that or he was gay, which we were perfectly fine with. You just never know these days, and we really never knew with Adrian. There were some pictures under his bed. He never talked to us about anything.
Anyway, you are likely aware of the problems Haiti has been having recently. Just earlier this year, bands of thugs roamed the streets, kidnapping hundreds of people–mostly foreigners. Obviously, when Adrian told us that he was visiting Haiti, I was full of consternation. I tried to convince Adrian not to go, but he always was stubborn. He used to insist on never wearing pants. I’m convinced this was designed only to annoy my husband and I. This was when he was 16. He used to sit on the cat naked. This is when we started suspecting things.
We didn’t hear from him all of last week. This by itself did not really concern us. Adrian never was very considerate: He once went an entire year without calling. The only reason he called in the end was to ask for money. I of course told him no, but offered to pay for some of his essentials: Rent, food, lubrication. He was furious, and the next time he was home for Christmas he purposely infected us all with scabies. These are small, painful mites. He may have gotten them from the cat, or from a male lover.
In fact it was more surprising was when we did hear from him yesterday. It was a short text message: GOT KIDNAPPED. NEED $100,000. First of all, we were surpised because Adrian knew he was not allowed to text message on the Family Plan. Second of all, my husband and I talked it over. We’ve agreed: We’re not sending the money. You might be thinking that the text message is just a ploy to get money from us. But no, we’re fairly certain he has actually been kidnapped. We just don’t really like him that much. He will likely be murdered in the next 48 hours. If you would like to honor Adrian’s memory, please send contributions to the International Lesbian and Gay Association. We’re pretty sure he was gay.
5 Comments
August 28 at 2:05 pm
does this mean the commentothong is over?
August 28 at 2:34 pm
Can I have his stuff?
August 28 at 4:41 pm
Erik: The commentothong will continue. Adrian would have wanted that.
Dalas: There are pictures under his bed, help yourself. Also, lubcrication.
September 7 at 2:08 pm
[...] Mom here. Today we present another entry from Adrian’s (RIP) Haiti Diary: Dear [...]
December 26 at 8:01 pm
[...] I am going to Puerto Rico with the family for a week starting today. We like to have big, blowout fights in exotic locales where people don’t know the language so they can’t discern all of our embarrassing secrets. I don’t know anything about this country(?) besides that it uses US dollars and is responsible for Reggaeton. I will post blogs as Internet access allows. I will try not to get kidnapped. [...]